Does your child freeze at the park?
A short ladder from watching to joining one game.
See the ladderHow to Help Your Child Make Friends Through Football
Confident Beginners
Friendships grow from doing the same ordinary thing more than once.
If you want to help your child make friends through football, the plan is one place, one child at a time and a short kickabout you repeat, not a big group or a promise.
For a long time I treated a classmate's first visit as a make-or-break event. I planned two hours, a mini tournament and a snack table, and by the forty-minute mark the game had become an argument about whose turn it was to choose the snack. The visitor asked to go home. I had built a test when a short kickabout would have done.
Start here
Child Has No Friends to Play Football With? The Honest Short Answer
If you want to help your child make friends through football, start with one child and one short kickabout, not a big group. Pick a place where other children turn up, invite a single child for thirty minutes of passing and end on a high. Then do it again at the same time.
Football gives two children something to do side by side and a reason to meet again, and that is often easier than talking. The NHS advice for parents is to support a child to explore their interests, and it notes that being part of a team helps connect people (the NHS advice on children's mental health).
Reviews link sport with better social skills and a sense of belonging, and with more helpful behaviour towards others (a systematic review of sport and children's social outcomes; a review of sport and prosocial behaviour). But the studies mostly show an association. Children who are already sociable may simply be the ones who join, so nobody can promise that football to make friends will work for your child.
The plan below is mine, built on that advice and on ordinary parenting guidance (a children's mental health charity's friendship advice; advice on not forcing a lonely child to socialise). Choose a place, invite one child, keep it short, repeat it and give it weeks. It is a patient plan, not a promise.
A child who is happy playing alone for a while is not a problem to fix. If your child wants to join a game at the park but freezes, start with what to do when your child is too shy to join in at the park. If your child was turned away at school, see what to do when your child is left out of playground football.
Pick one, not all four
Finding Other Kids to Play Football With: Places to Try
You only need one place to start. The best place is one you can go back to at the same time next week.
| Where | What to do | Why it can work | Watch for |
|---|---|---|---|
| The park, at the same time each week | Bring your own ball and kick near the other children, not into their game. Pass back any ball that rolls over and say hello to the grown-up. | The same faces turn up again, so a second hello is easy. | A quiet week is ordinary. Do not turn up and push. For a child who freezes, see when a child freezes at the park. |
| A classmate over for a short kickabout | Ask the teacher who your child talks about, then ask that child's grown-up directly. The words are in the next section (friendship advice). | One child at a time is quieter and easier to read than a group. | You need the other grown-up's number. Keep it small and short. |
| A first group session | A taster at a local club or a holiday session. What to expect at a first football club session covers what happens. | The same children come back each week, which is how a hello becomes a habit. | A room of strangers is the hardest first step for some children. Check the club first (England Football's Play Safe advice for parents). |
| Football at school | Ask the school whether a football club runs at lunch or after school. | Familiar building, children from the same school. | Clubs vary and may be full. If your child is being turned away from a game, that is a different problem. |
A child who has no one to play with does not need all four. Many football clubs and coaching businesses suggest signing up for a session, and that is a good option for some children, but a group of strangers is a lot to ask as a first step.
No study tells us which place works best, so pick the one that suits your week.
Short, small, ready to end
A One-to-One Kickabout Playdate: How to Set It Up
Two children, a ball and half an hour. This is my own setup, and it suits a child who finds groups loud.
- 1
One child, chosen by your child. Ask "Who would you like to kick a ball with?" The teacher can tell you who is free and friendly (friendship advice; advice on not forcing a lonely child).
- 2
A plain invitation. Ask the other grown-up directly with a time, a place and an end, using the words below. A specific plan is easier to say yes to than "we must get them together".
- 3
Thirty to forty-five minutes, then a snack. This length is my own rule of thumb, not a research finding. Stop while it is going well, because a short win beats a long slump.
- 4
A game with no loser. Pass to each other and keep a joint count, or take turns to shoot at one target and cheer both. No teams, no table of scores.
- 5
Stand near, then step back. Stay in sight and out of the game. Step in only for safety or a snag, and let the children sort out turns themselves (friendship advice).
- 6
Name the next one. As they leave, say "Same time next week?" to the other grown-up, so a second meeting is already half arranged.
"Hi, my child would love a kickabout with yours. Shall we meet at the park on Saturday at ten for half an hour? I'll bring a ball and a snack."
If the answer is no, that is about their week and not about your child.
Solo games are fine for the days nobody is free, but they are a break and not the plan. No source tests this setup, so treat it as a sensible arrangement and adjust it.
Light words, no promises
What to Say to Your Child (and What to Skip)
Children pick up the pressure in a parent's voice, so keep it light and keep it about the ball. The NHS advice is to listen to your child and value what they say (the NHS advice on children's mental health).
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| "You'll make loads of friends!" | "Shall we take the ball and see who's there?" A promise sets up a gap if the day is quiet. |
| "Go and ask someone to play." | "Who would you like to kick a ball with?" Your child picks, and you do the asking. |
| "Why don't you have anyone to play with?" | "What was the best bit of break today?" A why-question sounds like a charge. In my view a shy child's social skills grow in easy moments, not interrogations. |
| "Did you make a friend?" after a session | "What was the best bit?" Then drop it and come back later. |
If your child says they do not want to go, believe them and ask what part feels hard before you decide. Advice for parents is that forcing a child into social situations does not help (advice on not forcing a lonely child to socialise). That is advice, not research.
If your child says they feel lonely, try: "It sounds lonely. Do you want to tell me about it?" None of these lines comes from a trial.
Slow is the point
Building a Circle Over Weeks: A Four-Week Pattern
One session rarely makes a friend. A second meeting with the same child, at the same time and place, is where it begins, and this pattern is my own, not a timetable from research.
| Week | What to try | A good week looks like |
|---|---|---|
| Week 1 | Go to your chosen place and kick near others with your own ball. | One hello or one ball passed back. |
| Week 2 | Same place, same time. Say hello to the grown-up of anyone you saw last week. | A familiar face and one more hello. |
| Week 3 | Invite one child for the short kickabout above. | Half an hour that ends with a smile. |
| Week 4 | Invite the same child again and suggest a regular slot. | A second meeting that needs no persuading. |
Stay on a week as long as your child needs. A week that goes nowhere is ordinary. Nobody knows how many weeks friendship takes, so I will not give a number.
A solo game and a rest day count as part of a week.
Ordinary against worth asking about
When to Talk to School or Your GP
Having nobody to play with for a few weeks is common and not a diagnosis. A US poll found one in five parents of children aged 6 to 12 said their child had no friends or not enough friends (a 2024 poll of US parents).
| What you notice | What to do |
|---|---|
| A few weeks without a regular playmate, but otherwise happy and playing alone with enjoyment | Keep the plan. Solo play can be a preference as well as a problem (advice on not forcing a lonely child to socialise). |
| Sad or worried about break time, or dreads school | Talk to the class teacher. Ask who your child plays with and who might be a good match for a playdate (friendship advice). Note what your child says in their own words. |
| A low mood that does not go away, irritability most of the time, losing interest in things they used to enjoy, interacting less with friends and family, or trouble sleeping | See your GP, or ask school staff whether they share your concern (the NHS signs of low mood in children). The NHS says low mood lasting a long time can disrupt a child's life, so ask sooner. |
| Turned away again and again, or treated unkindly | Go to the school with what was said. For the signs to look for and a message to send, see when your child is left out of playground football. |
This is not medical advice, and having few friends does not mean a child is depressed (the NHS signs of low mood in children). Ask the teacher three things: who your child plays with, who might suit a playdate and whether anything has changed lately.
The NHS pages list the YoungMinds Parents Helpline as a place to call, so check the current number on the NHS advice on children's mental health before you ring.
What is known and what is not
What the Research Says About Football to Make Friends
A systematic review of 30 studies up to 2012 looked at sport and children's psychological and social outcomes. Most were cross-sectional, and several reported better social skills and a sense of belonging, with team sports linked to better outcomes (a systematic review of sport and children's social outcomes). These are associations from self-report with no meta-analysis, and sociable children may simply choose sport. It covers ages up to 18, not football for 5 to 9 year olds, and dates from 2013.
A review of 27 intervention studies from 2013 to 2022, covering ages 3 to 18, found structured sport programmes improved prosocial behaviour in typically developing children, especially team and cooperative formats (a review of sport and prosocial behaviour). Samples were small in 85 percent of studies and blinding was weak. Prosocial behaviour is not friendship, and these were run programmes, not a parent's kickabout.
A US poll of 1,031 parents of children aged 6 to 12 found 41 percent arranged playdates or outings and 33 percent gave advice on making friends. One in five said their child had no friends or not enough (a 2024 poll of US parents). Those are US parents' own reports, not children's views, and not a test of what helps.
The ONS found 11.3 percent of children aged 10 to 15 said they were often lonely, and joining in with clubs and activities was among the things people said could help (the ONS report on loneliness in children). It is a 2018 self-report survey of children older than most readers here. It shows how common loneliness is, not what works.
The NHS guidance on team activity and on when to seek help is advice for parents, not a trial (the NHS advice on children's mental health). I would rather tell you this is a patient plan than pretend a study shows football makes friends.
Quick answers
Common Questions About Football and Making Friends
Can football help my child make friends?
It can give two children something to do side by side and a reason to meet again. Studies link sport with better social outcomes, but they show an association and not that football makes friends (systematic review; prosocial review). Try one place and one child at a time.
How do I help my child make friends through football if they have no one to play with?
Pick one place and time, invite one child for a short kickabout, and repeat it. The four-week pattern above shows how.
Where can I find other kids to play football with?
The park at the same time each week, a classmate over, a first club session or a school football club. A first group session is one option, not the only one. If you choose a club, ask for the welfare officer and about DBS checks (Play Safe).
Will a shy child's social skills improve by playing football?
One review found team sport linked to better social skills, but it mostly shows an association and does not cover shy children specifically (systematic review). A short one-to-one kickabout is a gentler start than a group.
How long should a kickabout playdate last?
Thirty to forty-five minutes is my own rule of thumb, not a research finding. Stop while it is going well.
Is it normal for a child to have no friends?
Having no regular playmate for a few weeks is common. One US poll found one in five parents of children aged 6 to 12 said their child had no friends or not enough (Mott poll). If your child seems low for a long time, see your GP or talk to school (NHS).
When should I talk to school or a GP?
Talk to the teacher if your child dreads break time or school. See your GP if low mood does not go away, your child loses interest in things they enjoyed or interacts less with friends and family (NHS; NHS Every Mind Matters).
Keep going
Where to Go From Here
Three places to go next, depending on what you see. For a single visitor, team-free football games for a playdate keep it simple.
Is your child being turned away at school?
Listen first, then know the signs that mean it is time to ask the school.
See the signsWant more for nervous beginners?
Gentle games and plans for a child still finding their feet.
See Confident BeginnersTonight's five minutes
Ask your child one question.
Tonight, ask 'Who would you like to kick a ball with?' and listen to the answer without fixing it. Then pick one place and one time for next week.